separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
