my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
