Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
