i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
