And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
