i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
