1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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