Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You need a sexual gate keeper
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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