How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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