Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the condom got lost in my hair
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
