you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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