So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
