Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
