my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
