Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
