oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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