Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
