I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
