I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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