We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
