Christians are straight up FREAKS
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
