The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
