I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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