he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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