i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
