Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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