I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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