At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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