thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
