just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
