oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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