this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
