Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
