I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
