I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
