A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
