Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
