Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
