HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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