We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
