All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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