Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
