I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
