remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
