if only i could text you this smell
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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