You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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