i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
