my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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