i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
