why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
