i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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