I think I died a long time ago.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
