well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
