he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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