I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
