Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
