Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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