naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
